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by N.L.
I believe there is no right or wrong in life. It all lies on whether you are picking the choice that will lead you to where you want to be, and how you want to feel when you are there. The struggle in making these life-decisions lands upon deciding between not wanting to live within “What-Ifs” and planning for the “Bigger Picture” that is SO uncertain.
To those friends and family that do not or cannot understand, they might ask you to just do whatever you want and not overthink things too much. But when you are an overthinker and suffer from Anxiety Disorder? You live your life thinking 5 steps ahead for 5 different pathways that you could possibly take.
What if I do that, then that happens? What if I do that and I lose that? What if I do that and that person will hate me? But if I do that, I’d feel guilty. Blah blah blah. The list goes on. And it never ends.
When you are an overthinker, overthinking is how you think.
The first step to getting better and conquering this absolutely life-wrecking mental illness, is to acknowledge that it is real and you have it. The second step is to accept that it is OKAY to have it. I believe everyone has anxiety, and it’s just a matter of the degree of it and having the ability to control how far your thoughts go. For me, I lost control. I was literally trying to fly a plane that had two engines down. So three years after I was diagnosed with Anxiety, I finally found the courage to seek professional help and start my road to recovery with therapy.
During my first session with my therapist, the first question she asked was, “What are you aiming to accomplish from this? What are you doing this for?” By then, I had already taken my first few steps of practicing mindfulness and meditation—I meditate and pray before I sleep so I can reflect on my own thoughts and actions—Why I did what I did for the day and giving myself that validation that I owe to myself.
My answer to my therapist was, “I want to build my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect that I lost because of the way I grew up and how I was shaped from the environment that I was surrounded in since I was born until now.” And the next day? I figured out another purpose, and it is to stop being too dependent on others and start taking charge of my own feelings and emotions.
An important person in my life taught me that no one can help you heal completely. It took some time for me to realize that healing yourself, and feeling absolutely complete on your own requires strength
that comes within yourself. I lived my life depending on others to help me make my decisions because I was too indecisive, calling others and crying, ranting and always asking others to help me figure out a solution for me. Yes, your close ones can help you, but a person can only take so much from another. Everyone has different mental capacities and there is only so much you can absorb for and from someone. And once you’ve crossed the line without setting boundaries or even respecting the other person’s boundaries due to lack of communication or even awareness, bonds will break.
Growing up in an Asian country means if you need therapy or suffer from any form of mental illnesses, all you have to do, is drink water.
Jokes aside, we grow up associating the word ‘therapy’ with the word, ‘issues’. So it has become an embarrassment to Asian families that we need help from an outsider to solve our problems as maintaining the family status, reputation and image is the main priority. We are so caught up in looking good from the outside while we suffer inside alone.
But is it worth it though? Is it worth keeping everything inside, suffering in silence like a ticking time bomb?
Society has fooled us into thinking by putting a strong façade and never breaking down proves that you are a strong person. But it takes strength to be vulnerable. Those who have the courage to show their vulnerability and accept it, are truly the strongest of them all.
Therapy is known as professional help for a reason. Many people think that we go to therapy just to talk to someone, or some might even think that we just need a friend that will listen to us 24/7. But what goes on during the session is you letting everything out, all your emotions—anger, frustration, sadness, happiness, desire, lust—then your therapist sorts it out for you and teaches you how to manage it. Basically, a surgeon (therapist) dissecting a body (you) that has all the organs jumbled up (your emotions, thoughts, etc.), and then putting it back in the right order.
Different people feel differently because of the various experiences or perspectives they have, so each therapy session is carefully personalised for you. That is also why there are different forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), etc.
It is okay to need therapy. For example, if you break your leg, you need physiotherapy. Just because you can’t see that you are sick or unwell from the outside, does not mean you are well and healthy. Consequently, being mentally unwell can also affect you being physically unwell. It works in many different ways and whether you like it or not, it may be voluntary and/or involuntary. Thus making suicide and self-harm the most obvious and straight-forward form of physical damage caused by mental illness.
If you are not feeling okay, or even if you don’t think you suffer from any form of mental illnesses, it’s still okay to go for therapy because it’s just like going for a yearly medical check-up. What is important is to never let your external environment prevent you from seeking help, and just constantly remind yourself that you are doing this for yourself, and possibly for others too.
You owe it to yourself to be happy and content in your life.
One step at a time, that’s what I always tell myself every day when I wake up.
It takes one step to accept yourself, one step to break down and feel, one step to acknowledge your feelings, one step to reflect on your own, and it takes one step to seek help.
But most importantly, it is taking your first step to begin your own journey of recovery.